new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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