I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
