everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
