Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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