We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
