dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
