Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
