Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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