A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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