Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
