i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My cat gives me a boner
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
