This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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