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mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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