Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
