wanna go halves on a baby?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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