I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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