I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Less talking, more tequila
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
