It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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