I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
