The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
