If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
