his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
