peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
