hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
