pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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