You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
