You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
