I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
