I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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