i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
