i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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