this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
