Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
