your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
