carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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