This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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