I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We have so much sex to catch up on
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
