Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
