I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
