i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
