You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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