Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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