I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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