dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
