So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
