so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
