It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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