The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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