I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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