I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i think my cat just said my name.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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