Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
