I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
