the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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