Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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