You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
