I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
